Is it fair to dismiss other people's problems as insignificant and pathetic because some people are dying of hunger and have more serious problems?

I went into respiratory arrest in year 2014 and it was a frightening experience for me and my well wishers. I remember being on the phone with my girlfriend and she was talking about her hair color weave that she wanted to wear on her vacation but noticed that I wasn't responding energeticaly.

“What’s wrong with you, honey? It’s not like you’re in ICU!” I looked over at the hallway with a sigh. Outside there was a sign that said Emergency!

“I am in ICU.”

“Oh. Well it’s not like you’re dying any minute!” The events from that night flooded back to me. I remember losing consciousness thinking that these are my last days on alive. I remember being in so much pain and depression.

“I was dying. Hence the whole ICU thing,” I whispered.

“See, now I comprehend why people don’t like talking to people who are sick for any strenght of time. Because conversation is always about the, about their medicine and health, and prayers and...! I see it so clear now. If I talk about one subject I feel bad because no matter what I’m going through, what YOU”RE going through is always going to be bigger.”

“Are we in competition with someone?”

“I’ll talk you latter.”

She hung up the phone and it was only a month before we spoke again. I certainly never needed a “friend” like that in my life and she needed someone who was fully dedicated to her whims and gossips, and obviously to the world of ''hair weave'' colors. Someone who had nothing going on enough where they would just function as someone who listened but didn’t say much. Someone with no life.

I often think about what she said, and it still hurts deep down sometimes. Ive heard that before from different people. But I know understand that their problems didn’t relate to mine anyway.

Suffering and sadness takes on many forms. You don’t need to be homeless and on the streets to have the right to complain.

I tell people that we all complain and should have that right. When we do complain, I always emphasize to people that we should allow ourselves at least ten minutes to complain about whatever went wrong and what we want but not more than this.

Despite the fact that I have a devastating disease that I am on chemo for and you lost your car keys, complaining about them won’t do either of us any good. It won’t make my lupus disappear nor your keys appear. But complaining also releases tension. Helps us breathe a bit easier now that we’ve gotten it off our chests.

Yes, some problems are even more serious. I would consider someone being hungry more important than having lupus. Because I have shelter, food, money, a car, nice things, fiancee, daughter, family, etc., my life is not horrible. I get messages in my inbox of people telling me that things will get better and I should be more positive. I’m confused by this because even though I talk about my disease, and sometimes even complain about it, I’m not ready to give up. Not even close. I’m letting off some steam. Relax.

So yes, complain away. Just remember not to do it for too long. While it relieves stress in the short term, it solves nothing in the long term.